9. Overcoming Eating Disorders Through Intuitive Eating with Meg Henkenhof

In this episode, Meg shares her eating disorder journey and how she discovered intuitive eating - the powerful practice that revolutionised her life.

We discuss how it’s so important to get out of the trap of “shaping our bodies” and instead cultivate self-love, self-compassion and body peace within ourselves. And how we can start this journey with intuitive eating.

If you’re ready to view your body and life with deep understanding and love, you’re going to love this episode!

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About Meg
Meg started right where you are.  So stuck in an endless cycle of dieting and binging, feeling so out of control around food. After many attempts at treatment and therapy, her own journey to recovery looked a little different than many of the other approaches.  Now, after many years of a fuller, freer, healthier relationship with food and her body, she has taken those same techniques and tools to help other women become success stories when it comes to rebuilding their relationships with food and their bodies - effortlessly.

• Follow her on Instagram at @meg.henks

About Andi

Hello! I'm Andi and I'm a Voice & Expression Coach, Medium, and Actress, and I love all things spirituality, expansion and being brave. I have been on a really long journey with my body. If my journey has taught me anything it’s that as humans we are incredibly powerful self-healers. When we allow ourselves to be brave and share our stories, we embody our most transformative ally – our beautiful, empowered strength. I am here to help you reclaim your whole creative, connected and confident self so that you can become EVERYTHING that you are here in this life to be. xx

• @andi.matthies on Instagram
• Be a guest on the podcast

Transcript

Welcome to Body Diaries, the podcast that shares our real, raw and unfiltered body stories so that we can finally shake off shame, reconnect with our whole selves and ignite everything that our bodies are capable of.

 I'm your host, Andi Matthies and each week we connect with some of the world's most inspiring body-led humans and explore the energetics that changed their lives. If you've ever felt disconnected from your body, or you are craving to finally unlock your whole experience, this podcast is for you.

Andi M: .

Hey, beautiful human. I'm so excited to share this week's episode with you. I sit down with the lovely Meg Henkenhoff 

Meg is an intuitive eating coach. And in this episode, we dive into why it's so important to get out of the trap of shaping our bodies and instead cultivating this real sense of self love and self compassion so that we can start to really improve our relationship with ourselves and with food. And she even dives into the incredible world of intuitive eating and how we can start to use that to make really powerful decisions around our body and around eating.

 Please note that Meg does share her experiences with eating disorders, including anorexia and binge eating. So please do feel into this as a trigger warning just before tuning in.

 It is a really powerful episode. And so if you do tune in and love it, please do leave us a review so that we can make sure that it reaches everyone who needs to hear this story. Let's dive in.

Andi: Hello, welcome to another episode of Body Diaries. I am really excited. I have Meg Henkenhoff here with us today, who is an Intuitive Eating Coach, and we are diving into the world of overcoming eating disorders through intuitive eating, and it's a topic that is so close to my own journey, so I'm really excited to dive into this with Meg today.

Meg, welcome!

Meg: Thank you, I'm so excited to be here.

Andi: I have been following you on Facebook,for a little while, and Instagram. You have amazing videos about this topic, which I really encourage anyone listening to go and check out. And I guess it's the perfect place for me to start and dive into this conversation.

Intuitive eating, this world, the work that you do, talk to us all about that.

Meg: When I talk about intuitive eating, a lot of the times I start by asking people, do you know what it is? Um, and half the time I'll get to, no, I've never heard of it. And half the time I'll get, yeah, I know what it is. It's just eating whatever you want. Which is so just like not what intuitive eating is and I get excited when they say that because I'm like, oh, I get to tell you at the same time I get kind of frustrated because I think that the term intuitive eating has been thrown around a lot as a little bit of a fad. Um, and it's just not fully explained.

So a lot of people will be like, yeah, intuitive eating is just eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Eat whatever you crave. And that's not necessarily untrue, but it's just, it's just such a small part of what overall eating intuitively is. And if you think about it, if you, if you break down the words even, intuitive eating, when you're intuitive, you're, you're kind of checking in with yourself.

You're checking in with your, your, your thoughts and your feelings and, and your gut and your literal intuition. And the way that I kind of like to describe it sometimes is We probably can't remember, but we've all probably been around, like, toddlers, or very, very, very young children or babies. And when they're hungry, they'll cry, or they'll ask for food, or they'll reach for things, and they'll eat.

And when they're done, they'll kind of, like, move their head around. No, I don't really want to eat anymore. Or they'll refuse food and... That's pretty much it, because they're, they're literally listening to their bodies. I'm hungry, I want to eat, I'm full, I want to stop. And that's their intuition. And we all have that within us.

We've all been at that place when we were very, very, very young. And as we grow up and we are inundated with outside sources, whether it be our family or our peers or diet culture, We learn new ways to eat that are not intuitive. In fact, they are stifling our intuition to listen to our family or our peers or diet culture.

And what intuitive eating really is, is how do we get back in touch with like that two year old self who Ate when they were hungry and stuffed when they were full and were very content and didn't worry about how our bodies showed up in the world or how much we weighed and were just... You know, food was exciting and delicious and we could eat it and move on.

And how do we get back in touch with that as adults?

Andi: Oh my goodness. That, that picture that you've just painted about eating from a pleasure based perspective fills my whole body with like, yes, yes, yes. But based on some of the things that you described, like the diet culture and some of the conditioning that happens when we're so young, it's like, well, how do I do that without all of the other 50 things that my brain is trying to tell me about food and about what I should be eating and balancing all of that?

And I'd love to kind of go back, because I know this has been a big part of your story for such a long time, like, what were some of those conditionings that kind of came through for you?

Meg: Ooh. 

 Let's see, where do I even start. Um, I can start with like some of the very specifics. When I was 11 years old, which like now that I think out loud, it's crazy to think about but when I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with anorexia.

An 11 year old is a baby, a child. Like, it's just so sad when I say that out loud. And I realized that like, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I was in the ballet world. Um, I came from a tumultuous home and that being said, it's not always trauma. That brings out our eating issues. But for me personally, it was, it was an aspect that brought out some of my eating issues.

And I remember for me personally, again, everyone's story is different, but for me personally, um, I was a very perfectionistic kid. I needed to have straight A's. I needed to impress everyone. I needed to be the best in my ballet class. And eventually that came out in my eating. I needed to be completely controlled.

I needed to eat the least. I needed to have the skinniest body. Um, so I started to research diets. Again, being in the ballet world, I was listening so much more to what the outside sources were saying to me. Um, I even remember being 12 years old and hearing little comments. I remember. I went to the grocery store with my father and I was like, oh, I would like some muffins for breakfast.

And he was like, do you know muffins are really fatty? Why don't you choose something else? 12 years old, 12 years old. And I was like, oh, really? Like, I guess I will never eat a muffin again. So I was just storing all of these messages and outside, outside. things in my head as like, okay, so now this is what I can and cannot eat as an 11 year old.

And that took me all the way to my twenties.

Andi: Those little comments that people make have such a big impact that ends up lasting such a lifetime. I know with a lot of the women that I work with in terms of body reconnection and coming back in, these little things that accumulate into such difficult disorders for us to then battle later in life is so common.

And particularly for you coming from the dancing world, that would have had an extra layer of pressure over the top of it.

Meg: Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. Um, specifically, I was very into ballet, which I think is just a little bit harder on people than some of the other forms of dance. Um, but I definitely think it, it added to my body dysmorphia and this idea that this idea when I was younger that like carried into my older years that I need to look a certain way.

My body needs to show up in a certain way. My body needs to form a certain way in order to deserve respect and appreciation from the outside world. So when I left the dance world, it was like, well, I'm not going to be respected in my career unless I look a certain way. I'm not going to be respected by potential romantic partners unless I look a certain way.

My friends will not respect me unless I look a certain way. And it just, it just kept going.

Andi: One of the things that you talk about a lot in your videos on your Instagram is this sense of being at war, being at war with your body. And I know you've mentioned like anorexia at 11. That war started really early. 

Meg: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think that it's, it's hard now at 33 years old to really go back to that 11 year old self and sort of remember where I was at. But like I said, this whole journey carried over into my 20s up until I was about 27, 20. 27, 28 years old, I sort of recovered from my eating disorder.

So that's a lot of my life. And when I say at war with my body, I remember just thinking, I'm doing all the things right. I'm dieting. I'm exercising. I'm doing this program. I'm restricting. I'm doing, and my body's not responding the way that I want it to. It doesn't look the way I want it to. It's not showing up the way that I want to or believe that it needs to in society.

And I'm angry at it for that. I'm against it for that. And I just, I think that's what I mean when I, when I say that I'm at war with my body. Throughout those many, many, many years, there was never a point where I was like, my body is just my body and that's completely okay. I was always angry at it. I was always trying to change it.

And I was always frustrated when it didn't do what I wanted it to.

Andi: I think anger is such a big part of eating disorders, and I know for me, it would fuel the binge. The binge eating would have such an intricate connection over to that anger, that anger of self, anger of how I looked or how I was or wasn't moving through the world. And I'm really interested in your the connections of your emotions and driving some of those behaviors like binge eating, like some of these dis, uh, body dysmorphia, how did that play out?

Meg: It's interesting. And like, something that I've heard from so many people, and I wonder if you feel this way too, was like, when you are exhibiting behaviors of anorexia or restriction, it's almost like, hey, I'm good at this. Hey, I'm in control. Hey, I can do this. But when you were exhibiting behaviors of binging or overeating, it was like, oh, no, hide that.

That's not okay. That's not allowed. And as someone who like kind of flip flopped and did both, it was, such a weird phenomenon of like, I would very easily tell people like, Oh, I haven't eaten since X amount of time. Or like, I only did, I only ate this today because it was like all flaunted. But if I binge that night. Don't tell anyone. That's, that's secret. That's shameful. That's not okay. Um, and I remember, I actually do remember when it started. 

Um, I also have type 1 diabetes, which I do think plays a lot into how my eating patterns evolved over my teens and my 20s. when I was diagnosed with diabetes, also, there wasn't a lot of education.

So for about 10 years, I ate the same thing, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day. Because I was so like, what happens if I eat something different? What happens if I eat a candy, I don't know. Um, and then as I went into my 20s, I moved away from home, I had more freedom. And I could break free from that.

And then it was like, Oh, I get to eat whatever I want. And that's sort of when the binging started, it was kind of like opening the floodgates. And I just, I. I think that's when it's sort of like back and forth. And again, like, I don't know if you can relate to this, but that whole, like, I wake up, I'm like, okay, today I'm going to be good.

I'm going to stay on track. I'm going to eat what I'm supposed to. I'm going to stick to my meal plan. I'm going to have all the healthy foods. And then like three or four o'clock rolls around. You're like, but I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. Cause I didn't let myself like have a full lunch or have a snack.

So I'm just going to have a little bit extra. I mean, I already screwed up today, so I'm gonna have a bit more. Well, there's those cookies, so I'll just have the box of cookies, and tomorrow I'll start all over again. It'll be fine. I'll start fresh. Forget it. Like, I'll just go, like, ham tonight, eat everything, and tomorrow it'll be fine.

And that was just kind of... every day for me at a certain point where I just, it was just back and forth, back and forth. And it was like the, the very restrictive on track days. And then the very shameful, don't tell anyone this is a secret night eating.

Andi: The story that you've just told is such a hit in my heart because I can relate to that so much. I didn't go down the pathway of anorexia. Mine was bulimia, but I can really relate to what you're saying around I actually am really good at this and I'm really good at presenting that I've got it all together and that this weight loss is like a healthy weight loss, whereas actually it was, it was a completely detrimental behavior.

And it wasn't until I saw an acupuncturist of all people who was like, do you really know what this is doing to your esophagus, to your teeth?

 It took someone to actually call me out from a health perspective to be like, actually, this is not, this is not something to be proud of. 

Meg: Yeah. It's very interesting. Like, I think a lot of people, not that, you know, eating disorders, honestly have anything to do with weight, but people will look at me and they'll be like, you've never struggled with binge eating and, you know, you are on my social media and one thing that I'm trying really hard to get better at sharing that I'm still finding difficult is I also purged, but my purge was not taking my insulin, which is very dangerous.

But it almost like erases what you've eaten. And I remember kind of like being called out sort of the same way in the way like people would be like, you eat a lot, but you're very small. Like what's going on? And when I was secretive, I'm like, Oh, Like I just have a fast metabolism or like, I don't know. I just like, you know, I'm one of those girls.

Like I eat whatever I want. I'm fine. And like, it was such a secret, but like really I was hiding the fact that I was, I was purging through my insulin.

Andi: I find it fascinating that so many of us are willing to put our health at the ultimate detriment for an image or a perception that we're trying to maintain. It always blows my mind, and it's often not until we get called out that we wake up to it, and to be messing with insulin, like, I can understand how that would be so dangerous.

Meg: Yeah, it really is. And, you know, it's, it's hard because now I'm, I'm trying really hard to talk about it a bit more in a way that's not triggering to people, and at the same time I recognize that a lot of diabetics suffer with this, but I remember when I went to my own eating disorder treatment center and my own therapist, I was like, this is what I do.

This is how I purge. Um, the term was diabulimia and he literally looked at me and he was like, I don't believe in that term. I don't think you have that. And I was essentially denied help. So it becomes so much more difficult when, when you're struggling with something like that, to reach out for help and be told, I don't think that's going on for you.

And, and then like, where are you supposed to go from there?

Andi: I'm so glad that you shared that, Meg, because I have a distinct memory of something similair. Mine started, um, about 17 and I didn't, I didn't get over my binge eating for 20 years. So it was a long time. And I remember in my, I reckon I was about 24 and I was like, you know what, 

 I think this is a problem. There was a, an institute that had opened here in Australia that was specializing in eating disorders. And I remember sitting in my car and I'm like, I'm going to drive down to one of these centers. I'm going to walk in the door and I'm going to say, this is who I am this is what I'm struggling with. Can you please help me? Right. 

 So I drove there and I sat in the car out the front like crying and I'm like, no, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. It's going to be great. And I walked in the door and they were like, um, do you have a psychologist that you're seeing?

And I'm like, no, like I've literally just come in off the street. I don't know where else to go. Like, I really need help. And they're like, I'm really sorry we can't help you. Um, you need to go to a doctor and then see a psychiatrist and then get assessed for an eating disorder and then get approved for help and then come back and see us. And the receptionist turned me around and marched me back out the door. 

I didn't get help again for another 10 years after that.

Meg: Well, what, how are you, like, what are you supposed to feel? Oh my God. I'm so sorry.

Andi: There is so much more help, um, that is available for eating disorders here in Australia, more than there was back then. But when events like that happen, and whether it's an institution or a friend or a doctor, it really knocks you back and you have to really kind of reach in and find that ability to be like.

No, I'm going to pull out all the stops now, and I'm going to find the help, and often that might be just confiding in a friend, but, um, it's incredible how little things like that will spiral us back in. I remember going back and binging, and it was like, well, you know, this is me. Just just deal with it kind of thing.

Meg: Yeah, I mean, I'm from Canada and I'm very grateful to say a lot of this was about a decade ago. And that's how, that's how far I've come. And I'm sure you as well, but it wasn't that far off and seeking treatment was very difficult. And eventually what I did was actually, I was very lucky. An intuitive eating coach approached me and was like, this is what I'm doing.

This is what I'm teaching. Is this something you'd be interested in. And I sat there thinking like, this is bogus. A coach? Like, are you kidding me? Like, this is like mumbo jumbo. Like what is intuitive eating? Hell no. And then I sat there for a minute and I was like, I've been doing this for, at this point, it's been 17 years.

I've been doing this for 17 years. I've done the therapy. I've done the treatment. I've done the groups. I've done the books. I've done it all. And I'm still here. I'm still in the same place. What do I have to lose? by trying something else, trying something different. And it was the best thing I ever did.

It was the best thing I ever did. And I remember completing her program and just being like, Oh my God, everybody has to know this. Everybody has to experience this. Everybody has to feel this. And that's like where I got to where I was today. But it was really that moment of like, I've done it all. I've done it all.

I've tried it. Nothing worked. Like, screw it. I'll try something else. And that's how that happened. But it was, it was 17 years of going in and out and in and out of the system. It was really hard.

Andi: It's really interesting that you just mentioned in and out of the system. If you're open to it, I'd love to kind of hear about some of those treatments, some of those things that you did, and the process of going through that.

Meg: Yeah, it was, oh god, it was a lot. I went to my first treatment center when I was 12 years old, and again, like, putting myself back at like 12 years old, you're a child, I can't believe I was in eating disorder treatment in a, in a children's hospital, um, and I don't remember too much from that time, it was literally over a decade ago, however, like I mentioned, and kind of like in my teens after being diagnosed with diabetes, I ate the same thing every single day because I was so scared of like my diabetes going crazy.

Um, and it wasn't until I, I moved out of home when I was 18 years old that like my eating started to kind of get messed up again. Um, and I In a way, I think I was lucky that I was already in the system, um, because I was diabetic, because I had gone to a children's hospital for an eating disorder, so I was being followed by a psychiatrist, I was being followed by a team, so when they started to notice, you know, your weight is dropping, you're mentioning that your eating is off, like, we're recommending treatment for you.

I didn't really have to wait. I didn't have to go on those extensive wait lists, which I recognize is such a blessing and such a privilege because I've spoken to so many people who are like, I'm waiting. It's a year. It's 18 months. It's two years. Um, so I feel very lucky that I was able to like, get into that very quickly.

However, being in treatment, it's really hard to speak ill of our medical system. And it's very hard to speak ill of the treatment centers. I think they did the best they could with the facilities and the funding that they had. However, when I went into hospital, or I went into outpatient treatment even, or I went into these group treatments, it very much felt like, okay, all of you people together, you all have an eating disorder, and therefore we are going to treat you all the same.

We're going to treat all your eating disorders the same, all your symptoms the same. And so we're all going to do the same techniques. And we were all very different people with very different backgrounds, very different eating disorders, very different traumas. I was a type one diabetic. Like I was different from so many other people in so many ways.

And it just felt so much like, I felt so much like I wasn't being listened to. I was being treated like almost like a number. Like, okay, you're patient 2614, who's coming to our treatment center. You're going to go through the process and we're going to send you home. And my needs weren't being met. And I felt like my, my trauma wasn't being looked after and.

That being said, every time I went into treatment, I felt like I learned something new, you know, we did things like CBT and DPT and distress tolerance, like we did work, but I would leave, I'd go home, I'd be back into my old environment, my old world, and I'd be like, I have, I have no tools, I have no strategy, I have no, no healing.

What do I do? And I would just kind of go back to my old ways. And that was like the cycle of the in and out, in and out, in and out is I never really built the tools to actually live my life. I would, I would eat, I'd gain the weight, I'd go home and it would kind of all start again.

Andi: It's such a good point that you've made around, finding the tools that work for us that integrate back into life. 

 I had to go through that process like you to find the tools that work for me. And for me, the first place was a coach that was specialized in EFT or tapping for eating disorders. And that changed it because all of a sudden I had a tool that when I was in that moment on my couch surrounded by the corn chips and the chocolate and the things, I had the tools that I could use.

And so I completely relate to that.

Meg: Yeah, and I've heard of EFT as well, and I think it's really beneficial, and I don't know if you felt this way, but I kind of felt this way when I found Intuitive Eating after years and years and years of doing the talk therapy, of doing the centers, I was like, wait, why don't you guys teach this? Like, where has this been my, my entire life?

Like, this, this strategy could have helped me, like, ten years ago, and like, it's just so interesting and also kind of sad that, like, why isn't this available to everybody?

Andi: I agree. I also think there's something about being a human in a human body in this lifetime that there are certain things that we have to go through to be able to get to where we are and do the work that we do and contribute in the way that we do now . I know as a Body Energy Integration Coach 

 there is no way I would be doing this if I hadn't have had the battle, similar to you, to actually not have access to the information and have to go through the trials to find the tools and to learn them and then to bring them in and combine them and deliver them now in a different way.

So I hear you, but also there's that tiny part of my brain that's like, don't change it, because... It is now the thing that, you know, gives me purpose. . 

Meg: I think you're right. I agree. 

Andi: Yeah. 

 So, a core part of Body Diaries is to go back into our diaries and find those entries of those moments where we were battling.

I know you have a couple of entries that you want to share with us today, so I'd love to dive into those. 

Meg: Absolutely. So, In my later 20s, I was not in treatment. I was in what I call quasi recovery, where I was physically stable enough, my weight was stable, I was like eating. Um, so I didn't need to go into treatment, but my brain was still so much like, okay, I need to like count the calories.

I need to stay on track with my diet. I need to do well. And then like that kind of thing that I was saying, I was like, okay, three or 4 PM hit and I really want a snack. So I'm going to binge. And like, that was my life, but I wasn't in treatment. I was still going to work. I still have many friends. So I was kind of just like all on my own.

And I really remember sort of feeling like, dude, is this it? Like, is this my, is this my life? Is this just how I live? Like, I've done the treatment, I've done the things. Like, is this as good as it gets? I don't know, man. Like, this kind of sucks. So, um, I, I did write a diary entry. I think this was just before I met my coach and I was just kind of like in the thick of it.

Um, so I, I wrote this on, on May 22nd, 2020. Um, it's just a little snippet, but I wrote, I binged again last night. I feel so gross. I feel bloated. I feel disgusting. And I feel guilty. I hate this. I hate my body. But um, I just wish I could get better. I don't know if that's possible for me. I just want to be normal.

I want to be healthy. I want to be balanced. But I feel like I go in one direction or I go in the other direction. I'm either super restrictive and I plan or I let loose and I can't stop binging. Is that what balance is? And, and that's what I wrote. I just felt like, yeah, like, yeah, maybe this is just my life.

This is just how I live. Is this how other women live? Like, I don't know. Um, cause I remember I had friends too, who would like, eat the pasta. And they would like, eat when they were hungry and stop when they were full. And I was like, what are you doing? Why can't I do that? And it was just so frustrating.

And so I wrote that in many diary entries where I was like, what's wrong with me? Um, so that was in May of that year. And then, like I said, my coach reached out to me, um, and I was really lucky to do her program. So I wrote again in September, I wrote. I just had a really great coaching session.

I feel like I really tapped into my gut brain. I maybe did that meditation 20 times, and I can actually trust what my body is asking for. I made myself some peanut butter toast. I added a bit of cinnamon to make it taste even better. I'm learning that I can make things taste really good with a little bit of extra effort.

I tried to slow down, eat mindfully, and I felt really good after. Satisfied, but like not really feeling like I needed to have more. It felt really light, like I didn't have to worry or make sure the calories were added up. Um, so I'm going to go for my walk after it rains and it, it just feels so good. 

And it was like, what is that, like a four month transition?

Like it, that was crazy to me.

Andi: so, like I said, my, my coach approached me. She was someone that I knew from my past. She struggled like I did. And I remember watching her go through her transformation just on social media, as we all do when we lose touch with people. And I reached out to her one day and I said like, Hey, I noticed that like, you're living your life.

Meg: What did you do? How did you do that? And she's like busy. She's an entrepreneur. She's amazing. She like never answered me. And then she came to me one day, she's like, Hey, I'm running this program. And like, This is how I did it. This is how I think it could help you. And that was like, I think around June. So it was a kind of in the middle of those two diary entries.

And I had never heard of intuitive eating before I met her. I had no idea what it was. I thought what she was saying was hippy, dippy, mojobo, like BS. I was like, what are you doing? But, but like I said, I was like, I've done it all. Like, let me give it a shot.

Let me try. And it was, it was stuff that I had never heard of, never tried before. Like, in my diary entry, I mentioned, I think I can, like, get in touch with my gut. Like, I did that meditation, like, 20 times. So, it was like a meditation where you, like, really tap into, like, your gut brain, and your heart brain, and your head brain.

And again, I remember looking at it and being like, what is this meditation? Like, gut brain? I'm sorry, like, what are you talking about? But I did it. And I did it over and over and over again. And it was like this part of me that like kind of realized, 

 Oh, this isn't BS. This isn't hippie dippie. This, this is around for a reason. Like, this is real. This does something. This works and it just kind of like opened up these doors in my mind where I was like, there's so much more out there for me.

There is so much more available in terms of treatment, in terms of like what my brain can do, what my mindset can do, what my gut can do. And it was just kind of like this. this feeling of like, I'm going to give myself over to this. I'm going to trust it a hundred percent. And, you know, we went through like all the principles of intuitive eating.

So I said in the beginning, like, eat what you want, whenever you want, like, it's just such a small part. There's rejecting the diet mentality. There's unconditional permission to eat. There's taking food off of its pedestal. There's gentle nutrition and gentle movement, there's so much that's incorporated into it.

And it was just like, In a metaphorical way, it was like molting the old me and like emerging this new Meg who's like, Yeah, I've got it. I know what I'm doing. I feel good.

Andi: Oh Meg, that is so incredible. Do you have a favorite, like in those moments where you're feeling those tingles or tentacles of the old coming back, what are your favorite go to techniques that you use now?

Meg: Inner child meditation, I tap into little Meg. I check in with little seven year old Meg. I'm like, hey, what do you need right now? What's going on? You're really stressed? You're really overwhelm? Do you really want that box of cookies? What's happening? Are you okay? What can I do for you? Do you need a hug? Do you need to go outside?

Can you just talk to someone? Like, Really getting in touch with myself and like realizing like, okay, I don't think I need the cookies right now, but what do I need? No judgment, just peace, just compassion. Because we can be so hard on ourselves. We can be like, Oh my God, I want the cookies. I'm so weak. I'm so bad at my diet.

Like just like so much judgment. But one thing that was so great for me that I really tried to, uh, and encourage my clients to do is be like, how would you talk to your seven year old self? Would you say? You're so weak. How dare you want cookies? Or would you be like, Hey, what's going on? Do you need a hug?

Do you need to talk? Do you need to cry? Like, what do you need? And you're a seven year old self. You're inner child. That's you. That's still you, even now. And that's who I try to talk to. That's who I try to get in touch with. That's the person that I try to love and give compassion to. And I feel like it makes it so much easier to, to use those self soothing techniques, those coping mechanisms that we kind of sometimes shove away because we're too weak or we shouldn't need to.

But it makes it easier to bring those out when you just really like have self compassion.

Andi: I love that you've mentioned the inner child in this and that, we can adapt these kinds of tools and techniques in the way that makes sense for us

 Are you finding that you're visiting your seven year old self often nowadays or less so? I'd love to know kind of what is your journey like at the moment now that you have these incredible tools with you.

Meg: I think that I visit my inner child less often, um, in the best possible way. I think that one great thing about like all of these tools that we learn when we're going through things is while we're learning them or while we're doing them, it's very much like, okay, step one, step two, step three, step four.

But as you do them more often and you learn, it becomes a lot more automatic. So I might actually be doing it more than I realized, but it's just such a system for me that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Um, that being said, I have noticed a lot lately, just with big career changes, big relationship changes, I've been getting in touch with my inner child a lot more.

A lot less for eating, but still checking in, like, hey, You're being super hard on yourself. Are you okay? What do you really need right now? Like, you're really sad. You're really upset. What's going on for you? And just kind of having that dialogue with myself and realizing like, oh yeah, I'm being real tough on my seven year old self.

She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve that right now. She deserves compassion and love and guidance. I'm going to give her a hug and hold her hand and we're going to get through this. So I think it really does ebb and flow based on what's going on in your life. Um, a lot less now for eating for myself, but just for other things where I find I'm being really self critical.

I tap into that inner child a lot.

Andi: And I'm really glad that you just mentioned life events and cycles and the up and downs because even though I'm on the other side of my eating disorder and the the dysmorphic view that I carried of myself. Sometimes there are those big events that knock me back and the food will be right there and there might be a day where I go back into that familiar habit.

But because of the tools and because of the patterning, it's a little bit different that it doesn't go to the same level and shameless cycle of being out of control around food. And

so hearing you talk about the cycle, but having that thing to go to that works for you. I love that. That's incredible.

Meg: I don't know if this resonates with you. I'd love to hear if it does, but one thing that I really try to focus on, like, with my clients is, I don't usually say this at the beginning, because people will come to me and they'll be like, I have trouble with my eating. I don't like my body. Like, it's very superficial and very surface level.

But I realized in my recovery, and I wonder if you did too, It has nothing to do with my body. Nothing. Nothing. My body hasn't even really changed that much in recovery. It has so much to do with my own self worth. My own self love. And how I feel like I deserve. To be here. Nothing with the physical. And when you tell that to people, like, no, no, I just want to lose the weight.

It's all about the weight. But I think that's why these tools are so beneficial. Like once we've overcome the eating, like you were saying, we still use these tools in our lives. And it's because it has nothing to do with our bodies. This has nothing to do with the eating. These tools are for life because it's about taking care of ourselves and, and, and nurturing that self love that that will be forever.

Andi: I love that you've just called out the connection about the worth because I a hundred percent agree with you. It's often about, do I actually feel like I deserve to take up this space?

 You hit the nail on the head. Like, a hundred percent. And like, I try to tell people, you know, I don't wake up every day, I'm like, I am fabulous. I look amazing. I feel, no, no, that's not realistic. I look in the mirror sometimes and I'm like, uh, eh. But the difference is, I'm going to move on and be like, yeah, but I still deserve to eat.

Meg: I still deserve to show up. I still deserve to wear whatever the hell I want. I still deserve everything that I deserved 20 minutes ago. Yesterday. It doesn't change anything. 

Andi: Oh my goodness. 

 I love that. And I guess that is why I'm really excited to ask you then, this journey, finding intuitive eating and now being an Intuitive Eating Coach, what are your programs? What is the work that you're doing now and how do we connect with you?

Meg: Um, so I do have a 8 week program that takes you through the modules of intuitive eating. Because like I said at the beginning, a lot of people think like, it's just eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full, but That's just like a very small layer of everything else that you have to learn and grow and work on to adopt intuitive eating.

And it's all those other layers that I want to provide to people so that they can go into it as strong as possible. So I have created an eight week program that takes people through all of those steps. Um, Currently, I'm looking forward to launching a group, actually. Right now, I just do one on one, but I think that building a group of people together who are going through the same thing, who can talk to each other, who can bounce ideas off each other, who can get support from each other, would just be like the most beautiful thing right now. 

 Um, and everything is available on my Instagram, which is where I hang out the most, um, which is @meg.henks.

Andi: Amazing. Thank you so much, Meg. 

 it's been such a pleasure to talk to you today.

Thank you so much for being here.

Meg: This was just so beautiful and so fantastic.

 Thank you for everything.

Andi M: This is such a beautiful conversation with Meg. If you are feeling that call to work with her, please do connect with her on Instagram at @meg.henks. 

And if you're curious about what working with me could look like, as always, please do drop me a message on Instagram at andi.matthies, and we can dive into a no pressure chat around what it is that you're craving and how we could potentially do that together.

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. If you loved listening, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review because I'd love to give you a shout out. You can find us on Instagram at @bodydiariespodcast.

You can also find me, your host, at @andi.matthies. And if you're feeling ready to share your story on Body Diaries or you have some powerful insights from your own work that you know would help others on their own journeys, fill in the guest application that's in the show notes.

This podcast was recorded in Naam, the traditional lands of the Kulin Nation, to whom I pay my respects to Elders past and present, as well as any other Aboriginal Elders of other communities who may be listening.